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My Life Testimony

First, my dream of a better life.

Hello, my name is Regina. I was born in K. in 1983 as one of six children. Since my ancestors are German our family clan decided to move to Germany after the fall of communism. We received packages and photos from relatives in Germany. One family even visited us in their Mercedes Benz. Thus, I dreamed that our life in Germany would be like paradise. So when I was nine years old my family finally moved to Berlin, the capitol of Germany. But it wasn’t the life in paradise that I expected. It was a hard time, because my parents had to start over. While both of them had a good job in K., they had difficulties to find one in Germany.  While we had two big houses with big gardens in K., we didn’t even have an apartment of our own in Germany. For one and a half years we were living in a hostel with other people that came from foreign countries. I was really ashamed. While I was one of the best in my class in K. my grades weren’t the same anymore in Germany. But during all this time I was thinking that it was only the beginning and things would get better as soon as my parents got a job, as soon as we would have our own apartment, as soon as my German improves. But once I got all these things, I wasn’t that happy as I expected to be. One day, when I was alone at home, I was thinking about my dream of a better life and realized that it didn’t make me happy. There were still many things that made me sad. My life was meaningless: I thought that if I would die the world would still continue to spin. So my life didn’t have any impact and was meaningless. I was so frustrated that I cried almost the whole day long until it got late. I became tired and decided to sleep but I wanted to pray before I slept, since it was my habit to say a children’s prayer before going to bed. And suddenly I asked myself: “Why are you praying? And who is the God that you are praying to?” At that moment I remembered what my mother taught me when I was a child. It was basically John 3:16. She said that God so loved the world that He didn’t want that even one single soul get lost. Since God didn’t want to lose even one soul I decided to make a deal with Him. I said: “God, if you want to have my soul, you have to change my life. Otherwise you will lose my soul.” At that moment I didn’t realize that I was a sinner and that it was I who should be glad to be accepted by the Almighty God, who created heaven and earth. But God answered my poor and selfish prayer and started to change my life. He gave me opportunities to have spiritual fellowship with an aunt of mine who has really great faith and taught me many important things like: A woman must love God more than any other person, even more than her husband. She also taught me that whenever I feel sad I need to start to thank God for what He has done for me. God also gave me the desire to go to church.  I went to a national church where I was the only young girl among mostly old women. After one or two years I felt a spiritual thirst in my soul. I even went to two Sunday worship services on Sundays but I still didn’t feel satisfied.

Second, God leads me to his word.

When I was in eighth grade, God sent a girl named M. to my class who had just arrived with her family in Germany. Her father, Pastor W., was a missionary in Thailand before and was now called back to Germany to lead a ministry. So M. invited me to her church to have group Bible study and to the Sunday worship service. I remember very clearly the first Sunday worship service where Pastor W. was preaching. I was overwhelmed by the powerful message. To explain it visually: In the national church I was collecting water drops for my spiritual thirst. Here I was thrown under a waterfall. I believe that God saw my spiritual thirst for His word and led me to a church where the word of God was in the center of the ministry. I learned that I am a sinner and need Jesus in order to come to God. During the next few years I accepted many words personally. I was moved by the impressive life of Moses. I wanted to have this kind of life too, a meaningful life. He was only one man but God used him to do such a great work among the Israelites. I learned back then: God doesn’t need many people to build his kingdom. God needs only one single person that is ready to obey. I thought: “I am only one person. But if that is enough for God then I want to be used by Him like He used Moses.”

On another Sunday Worship Service I was moved by Samuel who was able to listen to God’s voice. When Samuel had to choose the next king he saw David’s handsome older brothers and thought: “Wow, one of them must be the king!” But God told him that it wasn’t any one of them. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” So Samuel was standing there waiting for more sons to come but no other sons came. He could have doubted what God just said. But he was so sure of what God told him that he had to ask: “Are these all the sons you have?”

Another story about Ananias impressed me. God said to him: “Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying.” So God told him the exact address: the exact name, street and even what Paul was doing at that moment. As we know Ananias was afraid to go at first but he obeyed and Saul became Paul.

Both stories have in common that God speaks and men were able to hear. Samuel and Ananias were able to listen to God’s voice and receive direction – exact direction. This fact really moved me, because I was struggling with everyday life, searching for direction, not knowing what to do in certain situations. So I prayed and asked God: “Please allow me to listen to your voice and to receive direction.How can I listen to your voice?” God answered me through another Sunday Worship Message. It was about Jesus, the good shepherd in John 10:27. Jesus said: “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.“ I accepted that I can hear Jesus’ voice if I will follow Him as His sheep. Since then God taught me to listen to His voice. But sometimes I am very disobedient and don’t listen to His voice. Please pray for me to be an obedient sheep.

During my last two years in college I asked myself what I should do in my future. What would be a meaningful life? I took my pastor’s life as an example and set the goal to go as a missionary one day. But what kind of profession is needed in the mission-field? At that time two of my friends went as short-term-missionaries to Egypt and Kenya. They went as teachers. That’s why I decided to become a teacher. I applied at the University of Heidelberg and was accepted. But before I went there I prayed earnestly that God may lead me to the church where He wanted to use me. So when I came to Heidelberg I found a UBF-flyer lying on a wall. I took it and went to the Sunday Worship Service. On that day I was invited to have Bible Study. I was so amazed and happy to have my own personal Bible teacher. Soon I was asked to invite someone I knew and teach the Bible. I really liked this idea and this method of 1-1 Bible study because it was not I but the word of God that would work in this person. So God gave me many different sheep since then. Some of them left and I learned to see my own limits. But one of them stayed and is faithful. I really enjoy teaching the Bible to her because I myself learn a lot. I cannot teach something that I haven’t accepted myself, so it helps me to accept and to look deeply into the word of God. I thank God for the blessing and privilege of teaching the Bible.

But God helped me to grow in other ways too. Missionary Kaleb H. asked me to lead the worship team although I don’t play an instrument and I am not really talented in music. That’s why it was sometimes very hard for me. But it made me humble and I learned many different things like overcoming the fear of standing in front of many people each Sunday. And I learned that God blesses the work if I do it for His glory and not looking at myself.

Then there was a time during my studies when I struggled with my identity and with the goal of my life. At that time God helped me by giving me 1 Peter 2:9. I was always envious of the Jews and thought that God chose them and blessed them in many ways. But in this word I saw that God had chosen me too although I am a Gentile and He wanted me to be His chosen possession and a kingdom of priests. When I thought about the meaning of my name (Regina means queen), I saw that it was God who gave me this name and not my parents. He wanted me to be His daughter. He called me out of my dark and meaningless life. He blessed me in many ways. 

Then there was a time when I asked myself: “How can I show my love to God? How can I make him happy?” He gave me two words: Hebrew 11:6a and John 21:17. “And without faith it is impossible to please God.” “The third time Jesus said to him, Simon son of John, do you love me?” Then Jesus said: “Feed my sheep.” I learned that I can make God happy if I have faith. Faith is truly important. Because of faith Abraham became righteous. Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. The centurion’s faith who only needed to hear one word amazed Jesus. So the Almighty and all-knowing God is happy and even amazed  if I have faith. And in John 21 I learned that I can show love by feeding His sheep. May God use me as a shepherdess to take care of and feed His lambs with the word of God.

In my school study I have been experiencing much humiliation through my teachers. I doubted God’s love for me and I asked myself: “Lord why do you allow these struggles in my life?” He answered me through studying the life of Joseph. He had to go through 13 years of struggling. This seems like such a long time. But compared to the time he was ruling over Egypt – for 80 years – it was nothing. I accepted that I have to go through the same training like Joseph in order to be prepared by God for a great task He has in mind for me. So I want to accept His ways and be like Joseph.

One Word: God loves me and has a great plan for my life.

My prayer topics:

1)      To grow in the love-relationship with Jesus, in order to trust and obey Him.

2)      To feed one sheep here in Chicago

3)      To come to know the work of God in Chicago.

4)      To be a support for the Chicago coworkers.

5)      To improve my English.