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M. Esther Lee's Retirement Testimony (Washington UBF)

by WMD
Nov 21, 2017
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BE STRONG IN THE GRACE THAT IS IN CHRIST

M. Esther Lee

Key Verse: 2 Timothy 2:1 “Be strong in the grace that is in Christ.”

I thank God with all my heart for this day. I also am very thankful to our coworkers near and far for their prayers that God would raise a successor for Washington ministry. I never imagined that I can have a retirement day like today. As I reflect on the last 42 years, two verses come to my heart. The first verse is Psalm 146:1-2, “Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, my soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.” I want to shout this verse on the top of mountain to praise my God. The other verse is Psalm 8:4 and based on this verse I ask the Lord, “Who am I that you are mindful of me; such a sinner am I, yet you care for me?”

I arrived at Washington National Airport alone on May 21, 1975 not knowing what to expect. I had only $100 in my pocket. No one welcomed me at the airport. With only the address, and uncertainty, fear and anxiety, I got a taxi. At that time, I didn’t know that I would serve the ministry as a director’s wife from the beginning. Forty years does not seem to be that long and it seems like only a few years have passed; yet, when I see my oldest son who is 40 years old, I realize, yes, it has been a long time. May the Lord help me to share His grace upon this sinner through this testimony.

It is difficult to write 40 plus years of life and mission within a couple of pages. So I would like to concentrate on 2 questions that were most asked of me. The first question I was most often asked was, “Missionary Esther! How did you do this job for so long?” So I pondered this question and I remembered 2 Timothy 2:1 “Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.”

During my freshman year at KyungHee University, I remembered how much I lost and how much I suffered with the emptiness of my life, my loneliness, and my useless pride. Life all around me seemed so meaningless that I didn’t know the purpose of living.

In my desperation, I read Jacqueline Kennedy’s biography over and over again. I wanted to achieve what she had achieved and I wanted to be like her. Later, she remarried with Onassis and this crushed my heart, so I turned my attention to Chun HaeRin, a renowned female professor in Korea who wrote the famous book, “Therefore I say nothing.” The main theme of her book was, “Life is not worth me living.” HaeRin’s life was so fatalistic; she committed suicide at a very young age. Even so, I agreed with her ideas and I tried to find answers to this meaningless life from her philosophy.

While I was in the darkest time, Jesus visited me and knocked on my heart with this one verse, “In Him was life and that life was the light of all men” (John 1:4). I accepted that my life was not mine, but a precious gift from God, which turned my life from deep darkness into His wonderful light. Still, I’m tearful whenever I remember God’s saving grace while I was at my lowest point. That year was 1969.

I am amazed at Jesus’ provision, that He found me, a lonely soul among so many. If not for His grace, what kind of life would I have lived. I was like a lost coin under the bed, yet God found me and gave me a new life in Jesus. Whenever I remember His personal grace, I could run the race of serving His people and teaching the Word of God, even with my shortcomings.

Another Word that helped me is Psalm 119:104, which says, “I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore, I hate every wrong path.” Every week’s testimony writing helped me to run the race of mission life. Actually, I didn’t have a one-to-one Bible teacher to help me. During my mission life in America, one by one all three of my teachers, the one who brought me to UBF, the director of my home church, and the one who sent me as a missionary, they all left. In difficult times I had no one to turn to, except God’s Word, which gave me wisdom and discernment.

God’s word above all else has guarded me against going down the wrong path. Faithful testimony writing and Early Morning Prayers were great tools to sustain my mission life.

For example, a couple of months ago, I was hurt so badly by rumors. The moment I heard the rumors, I almost fainted. I was so angry and troubled. I wanted to run to the house of the one who started the rumor and punch that person in the nose. But then I went to our Early Morning Prayer meeting and I prepared my weekly testimony, and God touched my heart powerfully through that, so that all my anger subsided. God convicted my heart by reminding me of how often I hurt others, whether I noticed or not, and how I could still hurt others. During this time, I was totally broken before God. God took all my self-righteousness and made me humbly kneel down before Him. God’s Word guarded my heart and led me to the path of righteousness from the wrong path of pride and self-righteousness. God’s Word has been my 1:1 Bible teacher and sustained me in this mission field for this long.

The second question that I am most often asked is, “How were you able to co-work with others for so many years?” I heard one missionary saying during the Asia Directors’ Conference, “I can be martyred, but I cannot co-work.” Many of us can understand what that means.

In addition to Washington shepherds and shepherdesses, God has sent us missionaries from all over the world. Even now, we have missionaries from 20 different chapters. Only by His grace, we all together serve the same God and the same mission. I found the secret of co-working. It was found in one senior missionary family in their exemplary life of faith and serving. Missionary Grace and Elijah Park have been co-working with us for over 40 years. During the last 4 decades, many things have changed, including the 7 presidents who were elected in America.

In spite of the many changes, M. Grace and Elijah have been faithful in serving and teaching. Their love for Jesus seems ever increasing. Their attitude of serving intensifies as years go by. They are the ones who visit campus every week, more than once, and they teach the Word of God to many students without fail. Other examples of their service includes, going to the airport at 3am to pick up or drop off people, and spending so much time in the church kitchen, either cleaning or cooking for others.

Their sacrificial serving and unceasing prayers for Washington ministry has laid a deep foundation of co-working in each of our hearts. With M. Elijah and M. Grace’s influence, co-working ministry has grown so much.

The second foundation of co-working is in the women’s prayer meeting on Saturdays at 5:30am. This meeting started with three women missionaries ,then two American shepherdesses began to join in the early 1980s. Since then, I have never canceled this meeting except for inclement weather. All missionaries who are young and old, who are very different from each other, or who are originally from different chapters, come together to discuss all matters of the church, including giving reports on 1:1 studies and on campus fishing. Sometimes it takes so long, as if it was a business meeting, rather than a prayer meeting. Yet through this meeting, we get to know each other and we can serve the ministry with one heart and one Spirit.

Furthermore, at this meeting, we make sure no one is left without being served when they are in need. As we all know, Saturday morning time is regarded as the sweetest hour for catching up on sleep and rest, especially after a long and hard week of work. Yet our women co-workers sacrifice this time so that they can come and pray together for the work of God.

I myself was burdened about this meeting. I felt like I was making our women’s lives more difficult because I was asking them to give up the sweet hours of sleeping and relaxation. However, one day, while we were studying the Christmas message, a great inspiration came to my heart. Our women coworkers are like shepherds in the field, keeping watch over their flocks at night, like during the time of Jesus’ birth. To best describe this, I parallel this with driving to the meeting. The moment we turn on the engine to drive the car, our spirit is awakened, as we drive while the whole world is in a deep sleep, we beat the darkness before the dawn to come to the church to build the body of Christ. By doing so, we all become the stewards of God’s work like a shepherd in the field. I was assured of God’s blessings upon our coworkers who offer their sweet hour of sleep to the Lord. Now young mothers and single shepherdesses also have their own Saturday Early Morning Prayer Meetings.

I thank God for enabling us to have Saturday Early Morning Prayer Meeting during the last 40 years. I am sure this meeting has been the backbone of our ministry and the source of our co-working. I am thankful to all of our coworkers who have been with us in Jesus’ name for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, and 40 years.

Thank God for using this sinner in the work of God. Moreover, I thank God for the late Missionary Samuel Lee and his words about directorship. One day he said, “Esther! Being a director means to say, “I am sorry first. I do it to even the young and new missionaries.” His comment deeply touched my heart and served as a guideline for me in serving in this role.

Missionary Mother Sarah Barry encouraged me not to fight with missionary coworkers because of sheep. She said, “Sheep come and go, but mission coworkers stay.” This was said to me because I was struggling when one of the Chicago missionaries kept calling one student at Washington to convince this student to return to Chicago, even though the student was growing here. So I called Mother Barry to ask her to stop this missionary. Her words have also guided me and become principles to stand by for my mission life, although many times I have failed to keep them.

Today, God has answered my prayers, which I have asked 42 years ago. Since I came to UBF, I automatically became a leader. Pioneering campus was difficult during my college years, so I asked the late Samuel Lee to send me to New York or Chicago where there were many senior missionaries ahead of me. Ignoring what I requested, I was sent to Washington, D.C. where no one was except one who left soon after we came. In my heart, I wanted to receive support and love from the senior missionaries in our new mission land. I often envied those who were not in the leaders’ position, but in the supportive roles.

From today, the paradigm of my mission life will be shifted, as I move from a leadership position to a supportive role, which is new to me. May the Lord help me to be a good instrument for His work with a learning and humble mind!!

Father! You know I am thankful to you.

One Word: God has been mindful of the humble state of this sinner.