Resource Detail

Sworn Friendship

1 Samuel 20:1-42

Key Verse: 42 

“Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.”

Read verses 20:1-10. What is David’s desperate plea to Jonathan concerning his innocence? (1) What is Jonathan’s response to David? (2)  How does David explain to Jonathan that his life is truly in danger and how does Jonathan respond? (3-10)  

Read verses 20:11-23.  What does Jonathan do to reveal his father’s intention toward David?  (11-13)  What does he ask David? (14-15) What covenant does Jonathan make with the house of David? (16-17)  What is Jonathan’s plan to save David in the New Moon festival? (18-23)

Read verses 20:24-34. What happens at the New Moon Festival? (24-29) When Jonathan explains to Saul why David is not present, how does Saul respond? (30-31) How does Jonathan try to reason with Saul and what is Saul’s response? (32-33)  Why does not Jonathan eat at the second day of the festival? (34)

Read verses 20:35-42.  How does Jonathan inform David of Saul’s intention to kill him? (35-40)  How do Jonathan and David part ways? (41) What is Jonathan’s farewell to David? (42)  What is shown about David and Jonathan’s friendship?  What can we learn?

Friendship in the Name of The Lord

1 Samuel 20:1-42

Key verse 1 Samuel 20:42

Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, `The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever. ' " Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.  

There's an old saying, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." While I was researching this phrase on the internet, I came across a forum where someone asked, "What if the opposite were true, and you could choose your family?" The first response was, "I would choose a rich daddy." While it's important that we choose good friends, Jonathan's example shows us that it's also important to choose to be a good friend to others. God can use such a person. Having a good friend saved David's life. We can learn from Jonathan's example of friendship because the Lord blessed his friendship and used him to rescue his servant David and help establish the kingdom under David. God was pleased with his actions. As we have studied 1 Samuel, we have seen many good examples from Jonathan. He was a good son. He was a good soldier who was full of faith in the Lord and won many battles. He was an honest and practical man who considered others. In today's passage we learn that he was a good friend in the name of the Lord even though it was practically difficult and costly for him.

Look at verses 1-4.

[1] Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to kill me?” [2] “Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without letting me know. Why would he hide this from me? It isn’t so!” [3] But David took an oath and said, “Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, ‘Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the Lord lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.” [4] Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.”

David had been doing a lot of running around recently. He was with Saul, but Saul tried to kill him, so he went into hiding. Jonathan talked to his father Saul regarding David. Saul listened and took an oath saying, "As surely as the LORD lives, David will not be put to death." So David came back to Saul. Then Saul tried to kill him again, so he fled to where Samuel was in Ramah. Saul pursued David there and he fled again. This time he went back to Jonathan. 

At first, Jonathan couldn't believe what David was telling him. He said, "Never!" He trusted the relationship with his father. But when David took an oath Jonathan listened. He said, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you." He didn't argue. He could have said many things because this involved his father, but instead he chose to listen and to help. He was willing to do whatever David wanted in order to help him.

Look at verses 5-13.

[5] So David said, “Look, tomorrow is the New Moon feast, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow. [6] If your father misses me at all, tell him, ‘David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.’ [7] If he says, ‘Very well,’ then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me. [8] As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the Lord. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?” [9] “Never!” Jonathan said. “If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?” [10] David asked, “Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly?” [11] “Come,” Jonathan said, “let’s go out into the field.” So they went there together. [12] Then Jonathan said to David, “I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, that I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? [13] But if my father intends to harm you, may the Lord deal with Jonathan, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away in peace. May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father.

David made a plan for Jonathan to find out if Saul really was intending to harm David or not. Jonathan agreed. And he would let David know the result right away. 

Jonathan wasn't a Yes Man. He didn't agree with David from the beginning that Saul was trying to harm him--although that really was the case. Instead, he an open mind to listen David and to do what he could to help him and find out the truth for the sake of helping David. Choosing to be a friend doesn't mean to agree with someone on everything, or take their side without finding out the truth. But he was willing to listen and to help without delaying. He was truthful. There is trust involved. David went to Jonathan not because he would agree with him, but because he could confide in him and trust him. He was reliable and helpful and honest. 

Let's look at the end of verse 13 again through verse 17.

[13b] May the Lord be with you as he has been with my father. [14] But show me unfailing kindness like the Lord’s kindness as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, [15] and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family---not even when the Lord has cut off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth.” [16] So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account. ” [17] And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.

Jonathan acted and prayed that the Lord would be with David just as he had been with his father Saul. He prayed that the Lord would call all of David's enemies to account. As a friend, Jonathan chose to bless David with the Lord's blessing. He was not jealous. He was not stingy. He didn't think it was unfair. Saul was upset with Jonathan because by being a friend to David he was giving up his own chance to become king after Saul. He was giving up the kingdom from their family and giving it to David. In return, he only asked for kindness to him and his descendants to let them live and not kill them. Wouldn't it be strange if you said to your friend, "May God be with you and bless you. But show me kindness and don't kill me or my descendants"? Yet, that is what Jonathan did. He completely gave up his life and position to help his friend. But how many times have we cut off kindness from others?

But Jonathan was not foolish. He did so for two reasons which we see here. 

1. He saw what God was doing among them. He was following God's work and leading. He was supporting God's work to establish David's kingdom. And according to that purpose, he also prayed that God would call David's enemies to account and cut them off. He says, "every one of David's enemies." He expected God to do this for David. So he made this covenant "with the house of David," as it says in verse 16. The fruit of their friendship was to extend beyond David and Jonathan's lifetime. It is because he saw God who is living and eternal. 

This tells us that Jonathan was such a good friend because there was another party to their friendship: God. Jonathan loved God and was following what God was doing. He prayed that God would be with David. He prayed that God would protect and establish David. He believed that God would honor their friendship and covenant even beyond their lifetime to their children and beyond. And he asked David to treat him with "unfailing kindness like the Lord's kindness" (14). To say such a thing means that he knew that the Lord's kindness is unfailing. He had experienced the Lord's kindness in his own life and how it did not fail him. Jonathan was doing what was right and pleasing in the Lord's eyes. 

Choosing to be a good friend means to know and exercise the Lord's unfailing kindness. The good friend invites the Lord into the friendship. And he steers the friendship according to the Lord's own character and purpose. Friendship isn't just about being with like-minded people. But it is about bringing others into the fellowship with the Lord so that his will would be done and his blessings go to them and out to the whole world. 

2. He loved David. Verse 17 says, "he loved him as he loved himself." He loved God and loved David. He didn't treat David as his junior or act superior to him. He loved him as he loved himself. 

Verses 18-40 tell us how Jonathan carried out the plan. He did everything as David instructed and found out that Saul really did intend to kill David, and he warned David just as he promised. 

Jonathan had many opportunities to not act as a friend. He could have acted like a good son, a protective father, a coward and selfish man to save his own life, or an ambitious prince--and so on. But he chose to be a good friend in the name of the Lord at the right time. He trusted in God and stood on God's side. So, instead of being afraid of his father, he was only disappointed and angry that Saul really was intending to kill David. To be a good friend required Jonathan to make many costly decisions, including breaking the relationship with his father and giving up his future as a king. Consider how much Jonathan thought his father was close to him and trusted him and then had to bear all those bad words that Saul throw on him. And Saul also said many bad words about Jonathan's mother. It must have been very difficult to bear up. Yet he did not have any regrets because he saw God and trusted in God and practiced God's kindness.

So, there may be real costs and suffering involved to be a good friend. But we have to choose to trust in God and follow his leading, and be a good friend at the right time. Depending on what we choose, those around us can be acquaintances, enemies, or friends. We can choose to be that good friend in the Lord's name and bless others. So, instead of fighting with someone, we can choose to be their friend and bless them in the Lord's name. God will richly bless and honor us as we do because we are honoring him and doing what is right in his eyes.  

Look at verse 42.

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever. ’ ” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

Jonathan freely sent David away in peace. He believed God would uphold their sworn friendship. He had faith in God. We need faith to be a good friend. David also left. He trusted in God too.

Their friendship was in the name of the Lord. thats what set it apart. he was a witness between them. This friendship foreshadows Jesus' friendship with us. He called his disciples friends. He showed his true friendship by loving us and serving God's purpose, just like Jonathan. He did it by laying down his life. And he had told his disciples, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:13). Through being the best friend and laying down his life he brought true peace and eternal life for all who believe in him. There is no abuse, condemnation or selfish ambition in Jesus' friendship. Then he commanded that his disciples to love each other as Jesus had loved them. "[34] A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. [35] By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35).

So, we have to learn and practice this love of God and friendship of Jesus. 

Did you do Daily Bread yesterday? Did you realize there was a typo? The passage was actually 2 Peter 1:1-11, not 1 Peter. In that passage, Peter says to make every effort to add certain qualities to our faith. Let's look at 2 Peter 1:5-7,

[5] For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; [6] and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; [7] and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.

See, after godliness is "mutual affection." It means friendship. Friendship is what to add after adding godliness. And it comes before love. We see that Jesus wants us to be good friends to each other and to love each other as he has loved us. It is the way to live a godly life. 

You may wonder how to love someone else love as yourself. Jesus gave us the standard: Himself. He said, "Love one another as I have loved you." If we are friends and if we love, we do as he has done and nothin less. Also, we can look to the real life example of Jonathan here, to start out with. I don't know what benefit David gave to Jonathan in their friendship. The Bible doesn't tell us. But still, Jonathan was a good friend to him. 

Jonathon Pyles has also been a good friend, like Jonathan in this passage. So has Daniel Tourn. These two particularly have been good friends to me and blessed me so much. I don't know if I have benefited them at all, but when I think about their friendship I feel like I am in the position of David who received so much help so many times. They trust, are loyal and selflessly have helped me many times. Did you know that Jonathon wrote a few of my messages, such as at a conference or for Sunday? He did it at the expense of his own message too. At one conference, he helped me and practically wrote the message. But he did not write his own message and ran out of time, so he copied a message from the Chicago website and tried to add here and while at the podium. His message wasn't good, but mine was. Daniel always suffers inconvenience when i ask his help, going here and there out of his way without ever complaining--at least not that I know of. Their selfless help and words of correction have been invaluable to me. And I thank God for their friendship over many years. 

I have visited UBF chapters in many countries, and one thing that was impressed on me so strongly is that I was welcomed the same in each chapter, whether in Africa, or Europe, or Asia. Even though I was meeting them for the first time, I felt like I was meeting with good friends. But, you know, Jesus said that a prophet has no honor in his hometown. I am kidding there. 

Many times we refer to each other and our church members as "coworkers." And this has some good merit. But coworkers aren't necessarily friends. Some even refer to their spouse as their "coworker." If we relate to each other only based on common work to do, even though it is in the Lord does not matter, we will not be able to exercise and practice the kindness and love of God that exists in a friendship. 

At the same time, our friendships must have the Lord as the common bond as Jonathan and David's was. Their friendship was a friendship sworn in the name of the Lord. It means that we act in the name of the Lord with our friends. Sometimes we have the tendency to act in the name of friendship, but from Jonathan's example we learn to act in the name of the Lord so that we can truly be a help and blessing to our friends and carry that name properly. It is a friendship that serves the Lord's purpose and carries the Lord's unfailing kindness forever. 

Let's read verse 42 again and close this message.

Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever. ’ ” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.

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