Part 1: Sitting at the tax collectors booth
My name is Darren Hildrow and I would like to tell you about the powerful way in which Jesus intervened in my life and changed me from a man with no hope or self-esteem into a man with vision and hope as Jesus’ disciple.
I was born into a good Christian family. (When?) My father preached and my parents even opened their home as a church. However when I was 5, my parents turned from their faith and from that time there was no word of God in my life. From the age 14, alcohol and drugs played a huge part in my life. I had the romantic idea of becoming an artist. However, the sense of pointlessness grew as I went through both college and university. After finishing the university I hunted for jobs in art but could find nothing. So I became a waiter in a café, and got paid only enough pay my rent and eat.
In 1997, my grandfather died leaving me some money and I flew out to Australia to make a new start. I found a girlfriend and a place to live in Western Australia. I began to apply for residency. It seemed that finally I had something that I could put my hope into. Then over night all my hope dissolved, my girlfriend left me, my residency application fell through, and I had to go back to England. I fell into despair, and cried for days. Like Levi I felt totally alone as Levi sat alone in his tax collectors booth, so I sat alone in my caravan. I was in a foreign country with no friends and did not know where to turn to. Then the thought came to me to pray. I had never prayed before. One day I fell on my knees and cried out to God. I didn’t really know what I was doing I just hoped that God would hear me. Miraculously my heart changed in an instant. I had the strong sense that God was with me and that everything was going to be ok. I had never given God my time or heart before, but as soon as I needed him he came to me and gave me peace. For a long time I continued praying and God’s peace remained with me. However, a few weeks later I was back in London, I stopped praying and I slipped back into old habits-- the alcohol, the drugs, the parties -- and the deep sense of the pointlessness of life returned.
Part 2. “Follow me!”
In 2000 I met Stanley Kiaer. We began by studying Mark’s gospel. After the first study I was amazed by how much one could receive from just a small piece of the Bible. As we studied each weak I came to find the reason for my suffering, I found out why I felt that life was hopeless and pointless, I found out why I was powerless to leave the life that I did not want to live. I realized that I had been suffering everything because I had chosen to follow a life of sin rather than follow God.
Jesus came to me through the Bible study and called me to follow him. By calling me to follow, he was challenging me to live differently, he was calling me to repent of my old life, and live a totally new life. As I began to follow Jesus he started to heal me. I found the strength to quit the drink and drugs and I began to find peace in my heart once again. I had done nothing to deserve God’s grace. I realized that I deserved God’s punishment, but God did not punish me, rather he just poured his love onto me through Jesus. For several months I rode along on a wave of Jesus’ grace telling everyone of this new peace that I had found. However one day at my friend’s wedding I was tempted by alcohol. One glass of wine turned into 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, etc... My desire for the old life came back. I skipped Bible study, and rather than follow Jesus I followed my old path. One day I was sitting in the pub with a beer in my hand when an old friend saw me drinking. He had seen me change through Bible study but had mocked me for it. Surprisingly, he rebuked me saying, “What do you think you are doing?!” His words struck my heart. What was I doing? Jesus had shed his blood on the cross for me, forgiven me and given me peace for the first time. I found that I was sick with sin, I was a hopeless sinner before God and I needed to get well. I pushed the beer away and returned to Bible study. I accepted one promise from Jesus: Matthew 6:33, which says, “But seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.” Once again I began to follow Jesus. I attended regular Bible study, made time for prayer in the mornings and evenings and made a commitment to faithfully worship God every Sunday. As I obeyed Jesus’ promise I began to experience Jesus at work, both practically and spiritually. He healed relationships between family and friends, and he began to heal me inwardly, giving me new inner peace and joy. I did not need alcohol to make me have a good time, as I followed Jesus I found the true joy of life. Because of the grace I had received, I wanted to tell people about it, so that others may also experience the grace of Jesus and the power of God in their own lives. In 2003 I accepted God’s call to be a Bible teacher for university students. In May 2004 God answered another of my prayers and I married the most beautiful wife Hannah Hildrow. Through my marriage I clearly found again God’s love and the grace of God’s full forgiveness. Before Jesus came into my life I was a miserable man, sick with sin and without vision and hope, but when I repented and accepted Jesus’ call to follow him Jesus healed me and gave me peace, an overflowing joy and true meaning and direction. I pray that God may help me to keep following Jesus and that I may be able to help others find the same joy that I received through helping them to also follow him.
